Monthly Archives: April 2012

I’ve Already Made A Fresh Start (poem)

I still find it hard to comprehend the day you died
Feels like my life drew closer to the end
You held the key to my heart when we were 14 years old
Now 13 years later I still expect to hear your voice on the phone
Saying hello every time an unknown number calls
Whispering sweet nothings into my ear
Like you had never left me alone
I still wake up at night half thinking you’re here
Seeing you standing outside my door
I wander over to see more clear
Vanishing as quickly as you came about
I grasp the ring on a chain hanging around my neck
Something I seldom choose to wear
I guess it`s the fear of losing it somewhere
That keeps it locked up tight inside a box
Resting in a place that no one will have ever thought
I close my eyes and count to 10
Hopefully, then, you`ll appear inside my head
Fading pictures are all I have left and still turning white
Soon, I will not be able to remember at all
Standing beside you, I felt so small
I knew you were always there to catch me if ever I`d fall
Shaking my head, removing all thoughts
I can`t focus on the past now
I`ve already made a fresh start

by Fancy Khaos aka K. McCollum

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Knowing One Certainty In Life is More Than Enough (poem)

Fading images written on the wall

Cascading pain scouring away my heart

My mind, body and soul are torn

Ripped apart into pieces and strewn about on the floor

Don’t tell me this is all just a painless dream

Everyone knows things are not always as they seem

But sometimes repetition is just a way to prove

That your suspicions are more than often, definitely true

Quick, run, hurry, jump into the groove

You can’t hide away from the battle

You will eventually lose

No armour or weapon can cut through the force

Slipping away to the shadows

In and out of a daze

Hoping the tremors will finally fade away

Shaking uncontrollable issues one last warning sign

That this is it

You are going to die

Wishing your goodbyes were not required at this time

Shaking your head in denial

Asking, continuously, “Why?”

Why fend off the pleasures of filling the void with more pain?

Why dance with no shoes in the warm puddles while it rains?

It’s feels good to be human, even when times are so tough

But that’s the one certain thing, and it’s more than enough

By Fancy Khaos aka K. McCollum

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The Light Shone Through Finally (poem)

You can see him stumbling down the road

Walking forward nice and slow

Looking for a place to go

Head spinning in circles

Every sound or noise ‘round each corner

Prepared to battle for his life

His heart racing faster than a jet

Blood as thick as oil

Dripping down his chest

Scratched and gashed

Beaten and bruised

The man he’s become

Now must pick and choose

Stay in the rain and suffer pain

Or fall victim to a runaway train

Changes are made once the glass is shook

The apple falls

The branch has broke

Now beaten lifeless on the floor

A shell so full of misguide hate

No breath is left

No movements made

A tower of might crumbled in one swift swing

The angered soul with his pedigree

No longer beneath it

No more feeling of shame

He can now hold his head high

He won’t deny the blame

He did what was needed

Defense it sure was

Now give him his treat

A good boy he was

No more shrinking to ashes

No more bashing his skull

The beatings are done

He’s through the black hole

By Fancy Khaos aka K. McCollum

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I’m Not The Only One.

So, as it is no surprise to me, I am not the one one feeling the struggle of everyday life getting me down. Maybe because it’s been a weird winter, the fact that the spring has been one extreme or another that as seemingly dragged on and on couldn’t have helped much neither. and maybe because there seems to be a world reaching the point in time where there seems to be so many changes in every single aspect, that it has become like a cyclone nearing a hurricane and the two combined creating this HUGE gigantic natural disaster. It feels like somehow I’ll walk down a street and find one of my lifeless limbs lying in a gutter or ditch before it even has had the chance to detach itself from my body.

I know it doesn’t make sense, but somehow, it seems to fit right in with everything else in this world. One thing is for sure. I am not who I used to be before New Year’s Eve 2012. It’s like someone or something has consumed my mind with ways to changing everything around me for the better. I’ve always been one to want what’s best for everyone and to aid them in any way I could, but now this has consumed my mind entirely. This drive to want to make a diference has totall thrown me out of cycle with what I’m most comfortable with and it’s not anything I’m used to. Oh, sure I’ve had my weeks where I felt I was going to change the world, but then I would grow tired and discouraged very quickly, so I wouldn’t disrupt my life, or anyone else’s for that matter, all too much. Now, though, now it seems like I have to stir the pot, shave the bubbles from the top so that the soup can really get cooking.

Wow, I sound like a really lost soul at this point. A person whom strives to just be known, but honestly, you can have the fame. I just want to know that it will all turn out okay in the end. I want to go to my grave knowing that I did everything possible to make the future more brighter than what we live through day to day. Not sure whether we’re coming or going to war. Unsure of where our next meal is coming from. Wondering which part of our health budget has been spent to fund some dinner or which rear end concocted idea for a new retreat has just forced thousand out of jobs security and which official will receive the money that have been invested into companies that have the option to just pull out of a deal any time they please taking with them everything to their employees’ names.

I certainly wouldn’t want any child to be subjected to this and anyone bringing a child into this world from here on out, should be examined thoroughly.

Please, tell me I am not the only one afraid for our future.

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Does the Government of Ontario really have our best interests in mind?

It’s slowly come to my attention that our government for Ontario have NOT done their math correctly. The following reasons will help explain my findings:

  1. Downtown had several traffic lights removed because there was not enough of a volumn to require them, however having the traffic changed back to two-way from one way traffic was supposed to increase the volumn of traffic.
  2. There is a new Performing Arts centre that will be constructed on the corner of St Paul Street and Carlisle Street that, upon completion, will hopefully increase the volumn of traffic downtown, yet taking several years and not to mention dollars from the budget, which I’m sure there will be a funding issue therefore prolonging the eye soar of a construction site.
  3. A new arena for the Ice dogs to play home game in combination with the arts centre will cost the city $52.6 million to $63 milllion , yet the seymore-Hannah Entertainment centre (Sportsplex) was just completed in 2004.
  4. The new Kiwanis Aquatics centre will run up a tab of $19.57 million approximately and The Government of Ontario will provide $4.5 million dollars of that, Now tell me, how much it will be for public admission to this facility?
  5. The new parking garage on Carlisle Street is rounding the finish. The cost? $28 million dollars. How long it took before the government funded the project? At least a decade..
  6. The hospital underway on Fourth Avenue, oh yes, lucky for Niagara Health Services, they won the argument regarding how it would be less expensive to build a new hospital instead of sinking money into rebuilding The Hotel Dieu on Ontario Street and The St Catharines General on Queenston Street. Now they are making the new “state-of-the-art” hospital that will have less privacy, vacancy and located inconvieniently for those whom have no means of transportation yet don’t require an ambulance and have no funds for public transportation in case they actually live another day.

 

Last but not least, as job cuts increase, how will Ontario’s deficit decrease when no one can find any work to pay the taxes that have been hiked in order to fund these projects?

 

See this is only the beginning of the projects that us taxpayers have started to fund, yet the recreational budget is demandingly high and it makes me wonder, will any new recreational facilities be of any use when no one has the money or the health and well-being to go utilize them when we have been taxed in every way possible and, to top it off, walking our way to the new outskirts of town hospital because I clearly cannot see the silver-lining in this mess that has been considered to be welcomed by so many.

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Make every minute count.

This is a poem that I wrote to just remind people that it’s never to late to start making every minute of you life count and be sure to let loved one know they are truly loved.

MAKE EVERY MINUTE COUNT

Celebrating her victory of winning the long hard race

Out on the town for a girl’s night out feeling the state of grace

Walking alone down the alley way

Not aware in that moment she volunteered to be prey

You know it happens everyday

Where the wicked gain the fame

And only the good die young

And become the next lost loved one

Reaching for his morning coffee while holding the news headlines

Dropping the paper to the floor, knowing he had run out of time

Holding his heart and saying goodbyes

His whole life flashes before his eyes

You know it happens everyday

Where the wicked gain the fame

And only the good die young

And become the next lost loved one

They took precautions so they wouldn’t up

Just like a child they lament away

Contemplating where they went wrong

How did things turn out to be this way?

You can strive every second of your life

To last as long as you possibly can

But when you clock counts down from 10 to 9

Only eight seconds left of time

You’ll never known when that time has come

So make every second of it count

Because after the buzzer gets past one

That’s it, it’s gone, none left, time’s done.

poem by Fancy Khaos aka K. McCollum

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Lost All Abilities

How come when I have something that makes me who I am

Someone always has to have something similar

Something only I been known to have

Out of the two of us

Up until that point

They’ve never spoke of it before

Almost like when I spoke of it, it opened a door

That said “come right on in.

Take a seat and I’ll start

Opening up to you

My soul and my heart

And pick what things you like

And pretend you have them too

Just so that you can seem better

Go ahead, pick and choose.”

 

The sign continues to say

“I’m someone unique

So any qualities you like

Just steal them from me

Then you’ll dilute yourself into

Believing that you have what I do

You’ll think you seem better than I do you.

It’s okay to be the same

I will now just go ahead and get out of your way

So you can pretend that you’re me.”

 

This sign seems to appear when I really don’t want it to show

It seems to draw in every creep that I’ve ever have known

These creeps seem to be those whom I once valued as friends

Now all it does is turn them into the upmost atrocious blends

Of abilities and qualities that I still attain

Yet now I seem less special to myself everyday

I no longer feel different

I barely enjoy being myself

They have taken everything I had

And now I feel left out

Somehow they’ve mocked who I am

Just by making known what they “have”

Making a big deal about it, whereas I never had

I kept it to only a special few

That I thought were deserving to know

What I felt was unique now only seem faded and old

 

If my ego was the only thing that was bruised by their choice

Then why, oh why, do I have less and less of a voice

Should I have not said anything?

Should have just stayed quiet my whole life

Tell me why do I feel they have befriended me with spite?

 Should I go on pretending that they’ve never hurt me at all?

Or should I forget that they exist and carry this chain and ball?

 

poem by Fancy Khaos aka K. McCollum

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